Trent and the producers

Once again, all of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the self-absorbed.

Remember my last post about strawberry lemonades and fruit teas? Well yesterday I dealt with the other end of the beverage-making process: I was the lunch shift bartender. But I'm using the term "bartender" quite loosely. See, on weekday lunch shifts, I make approximately fifteen alcoholic beverages over the course of about five hours. So I wouldn't really call myself a bartender, per se. I mean, I am the person who stands behind the bar, but instead of making awesome beverages, I handle a steady stream of to-go orders and serve the occasional bar guest. Well, that's at least what I attempt to do between the countless requests for tea and lemonade flavorings that come staggering in every three minutes or so. 

Mid shift, Trent came by for a squirt of peach syrup for his sweet tea. Again. 

"Already?" I asked.

"Already." Trent replied and handed me the glass.

"Wow, they must be thirsty. It hasn't even been five minutes!" I pump the syrup into the glass and hand it back to him.

He puts the mixing tin over the glass and shakes the drink, mixing the flavoring in thoroughly. "Yeah. Well apparently they're movie producers. And they're very thirsty because they've just finished up producing a movie." He smiles as if the awesomeness of his guests had rubbed off on him.

"Oh, that's cool!" I gave him a smile that implied I cared far more than I actually did, and instinctively rolled my eyes after he turned away. Trent thinks he's hot stuff and is determined to be the center of attention, and I usually just smile and laugh to humor him and then disregard half of what he says. Want an example?

An hour or so earlier, I walked into the kitchen and saw Trent for the first time that day. Instead of exchanging hellos and pleasantries, Trent flashes me his cocky, crooked smile and says, "I have sad news for you. I'm leaving [ our restaurant ]. I got a job at [ another restaurant, but a much nicer one, where he could probably make enough tips to not struggle for minimum wage like at our restaurant ].  I'll be leaving in February."

I looked at him with surprise, as I had assumed it would be a little more demanding to get a job serving at [ the nicer restaurant ]. Trent has only been with us for about three months or so, and we're his first ever serving job. Most nice places require more experience than that. Our own managers haven't even moved him up to the cocktail area, big party sections, or closing/leadership sections yet, so I'd assumed he wasn't that strong of a server. I didn't realize a place like [ the nicer restaurant ] would actually hire him. With all of this surprise running through my head, I simply said,

"Oh! Wow!"

I guess Trent took my shock for sadness and decided to comfort me. "I know," he said dramatically, pulling me in for a hug. "You won't get to see me very much."

I return the hug, and over his shoulder I am rolling my eyes in annoyance at his ego. I give a huge mental shrug. Trent's leaving? Fine by me. Do you know how many dozens of servers I have seen leave [ our restaurant ] within three, four months of working here? I am no longer phased by this concept.

Trent just keeps talking though, "But we can still hang out at Dalton's apartment and get drunk again sometime."

Uh, what? That happened one time, like a month ago. A group of us servers together just chillin' for a fun night of board games and movies. Not everyone was even drinking, and even those who were didn't get drunk. Don't make it sound like it was some crazy party. All I wanted to do was just hang out with Eloise and Hermione and Dalton. I didn't even know you were invited till I showed up and saw you. And call me Rhett Butler 'cuz frankly, my dear, I didn't give a damn. 

What I actually said, though, was, "Sweet." And I walked away.

That's one of the blessings about working in a restaurant. There's usually so much hustle and bustle in the kitchen that most conversations you have with the other servers are held in one- or two-minute snippets, so walking away mid conversation isn't really considered rude, but rather standard procedure. I mean, we all got stuff to do, man... table 108 needs a fourth side of ranch, and the cheapskate lady at 112 needs more lemons and Splenda so she can make her own lemonade for free. Ain't nobody got time for that! a full conversation! Constantly doing things for your tables means you can always duck out of an unwanted conversation gracefully. Score!

Anywho, I decided to walk back from the kitchen into the bar and was careful not to trip over Trent's ego along the way.

As Trent came back to the bar for about seven more peach teas--all for one guy, mind you--he told me that the guys at his table have been telling him some interesting behind-the-scenes information on the filming of these movies. I thought nothing of it, really, given that I've seen tons of celebrities in my restaurant.. I mean, we get a lot (read: a handful) of famous rappers (read: YouTube wannabes) eating in our restaurant and bragging about their success. One of them even filmed something in our restaurant (Really? Our restaurant? You must be really ghetto. Or desperate. Or both.).

Actually, it turns out that these guys were legit. They are the producers for Iron Man 3 and some other cool stuff.  So now when Dalton, Eloise, Hermoine, and I go to see Iron Man 3 in theaters in May--without Trent, hopefully--and they're all like "Whoa, that was so cool! How did they do that?!?"  I can be all like "Uh, peach tea. Duh."


[ degreed waitress ]

Hydration frustration

Let's pretend you're eating at my restaurant.  And I am your server.  If I were to approach your table and say, "Hey, guys!  How're y'all doing?" you would most likely answer …"good"… 

Maybe if you're particularly friendly, you might say… "good, and you?" 

Or maybe you're feeling apathetic today ("I'm doin' alright..."). 

Or overly energetic ("Great!" or "Fantastic!") ….more often than not I fall into that last category, to be honest.  But no, not the people I serve.  Instead, I have this conversation fifty-seven times a day:

Me: "Hey, guys!  How're y'all doing?"

Guest: "Strawberry lemonade"

Hold the phone. 

Strawberry lemonade is  a status of wellbeing now?  I had NO idea!  Thank you for enlightening me!

This is why (if I actually make it to the part of my opening spiel where I introduce myself and ASK about drink preferences), I prefer to just simply ask what you want to drink.  Sure, we're supposed to push "coke, tea, or lemonade" with every table.  Or the "drink focus of the week" (thank you, Corporate).  But frankly, I don't do that.  Wanna know why?  Because I don't want to remind you that I even have flavored teas and lemonades. 

See, asking for tea usually means unsweetened tea.  But honey, this is Texas.  We drink a little tea with our sugar here, so quit using my entire caddy of fake sugar that I'll have to refill later and just get the sweet tea that actually tastes good (unless you have a really good reason, like you're diabetic, then go ahead).  But then of course, if a guest wants a sweet tea, there's a good chance she's going to want a flavored tea--because God forbid her tea actually taste like tea.

If she asks for a lemonade, she's probably going to get "pink lemonade" (which--as was obviously forgotten--is called Raspberry Lemonade by anyone with an age in the double digits) or, worse, Strawberry Lemonade.  That's right, she wants me to scoop a clump, uh, I mean, a dollop (sounds so much nicer, right??) of thawed strawberry compote that's so unnaturally pink that it looks, well, unnatural, into a beverage that now involves chewing. 

In concept, the process really is quite simple.  First I have to make a glass of regular lemonade or tea and ring in the drink, and then go to the bar where the bartender will give the flavoring as ordered.  If it's a tea, I have to shake it and garnish the rim of the first glass served.  Ta-daa.   But in practice, these flavored concoctions are a pain in the neck when the restaurant is busy.  They are time consuming and darn well annoying. I have to wait for the bartender(s) to get to a stopping point amidst serving the handful of people seated at the bar, processing dozens of simultaneous to-go orders, and making headway through the constantly growing list of alcoholic beverages ordered--you know, actually doing his own job--so that he can finally reach the opportunity to acknowledge me and this lady's fruit needs.  I may spend a good two or three minutes at the bar simply waiting for the bartender.   That two or three minutes effectively doubles the amount of time it takes me to bring the drinks to the table.  I can't drop off the teas and lemonades  at the bar and go take care of another task and just come back to pick them up because then the bartenders won't know which tea belongs to which server and which flavor to squirt in--so unattended teas get ignored. That two or three minutes is lost unnecessarily and occasionally frustrates the guests because of how long it's taking me to get her drinks.

Once I serve this guest a fruit lemonade or a fruit-infused tea (Yes, it's called infused now.  Why?  Because I shook the damn thing, so now it's fancy.), one of two things is going to happen:

1--She hates it: "This Strawberry Lemonade is too tart!"

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot  to warn you that our lemonade is flavored from lemons. Which are tart. And yes, I'm also sorry that the one dollop of juicy strawberry compote, which by the way has as much sugar as an entire can of soda, isn't sweet enough to meet your sugar overdose needs!  Can I get you something else instead? 

Usually she'll just ask for another scoop of strawberries (back to the bar!). Or switch to a soda (off to find a manager so I can start the hour long process of reminding him three or four times to remove the first drink from the check).

2--She guzzles it down.  As in.. She sucked down every last drop of lemonade and is now using her fork or straw or fingers or something to grab out all the last bits of the pink fruit-based clump. And I haven't even finished taking the party's entrée orders.  So annoying.  Now, thanks to Miss Sugar Addict over here, I have to choose between getting her a refill right away and ordering the table's food.  Either the whole party's food order will be delayed because she's dehydrated, or she's going to continue to be empty and thus get frustrated with me. And then shake her glass at me while I'm five feet away assisting another tables. Guess what, I'm going to choose entering in the food orders every time.  And then bring her two drinks at a time to make it obvious that she's ridiculous: "Here ya go, sweetie. I brought you two since you're so thirsty, and I thought I'd save myself the extra trip," flashing her a smile that's sweeter and faker than those strawberries.

[ degreed waitress ]

Christmas tips rock my Christmas socks!



[ photo credit ]

I was certainly not excited about having to work on Christmas Eve, but luckily our restaurant was closed on the 25th itself, and was closing early (at 9pm) on the 24th. 

 

I did not work Christmas Eve last year, so I had no idea of what to expect from the night... 

 

Would it be busy with large parties?  Would it be busy early on, before people went out for their real plans?  Would it be completely dead the entire night because, well, it's a holiday, and people are at home spending quality time with their loved ones and some home-cooked treasures like they should be? 

 

(Hint: it's never that one.)

 

 

[ photo credit ]

 

 

I entered the restaurant and stopped at the host stand to discover my fate for the evening:  Stuck in Dining Room, in the Shift Lead section.  Stuck with merely three tables.  Stuck closing the place down, literally--on top of taking all of the last tables of the night, the Shift Lead is tasked with pretty much a solid hour of extra cleaning in the process of closing down the kitchen.  Stuck with the anticipation of a normal Monday night Shift Lead fare--maybe a good 60 buckaroos.  Meh.  Not amused.

 

 

 

After over thirty minutes of waiting for a party to arrive in my section, Table 24 is finally sat.  One lady, waiting for her sister.  Who takes twenty minutes to arrive.  More standing around and waiting.  Oddly enough, as they walked to the table, Lady #1 asked the hostess if anyone had some lotion.  Luckily for her, I happen to be known for my lotion... 

 



Apparently, washing your hands too frequently (i.e. by being in the food service industry and maintaining a safe level of cleanliness) can dry out your hands so badly that your skin becomes rough enough to catch on every fabric; your fingertips crack and split open into huge gashes; red, itchy, splotchy bumps form all across your knuckles, and your hands overall become a constant source of pain through all of your waking moments to the point that you cannot bear the thought of taking a shower without gloves on (tightly rubber-banded at the wrists, of course, so no water gets in there whatsoever), and you'd rather wipe that ranch that just spilled onto your finger off onto your apron than venture over to that torture chamber they call a sink, and God forbid someone want a lemon in her tea because those stupid lemon tongs are always missing and you just have to reach in there gingerly to pick up a lemon but no matter how hard you try, the lemon juice always gets all over your fingers--always--and you simply want to buckle over and cry, but you don't, because you're at work and you don't want to look stupid crying into this tray of teas, so you reach into the pocket of your server apron and you pull out your tube of lotion.  Cue the heavenly chorus, because this lotion is your godsend.  This lotion that was prescribed to you from a dermatologist because none of the over-the-counter creams and treatments were working, and neither were the ones from your regular doctor, so you had to go see a specialist for your hands.  And so you relish that moment of respite as you rub a generous portion of that magical potion into all the crevices of your phalanges. You exhale a euphoric sigh and look down at your relieved appendages when your brain reengages with its self-loathing:



[ photo credit ]

"Look at these hands. They're a mess.  A wretched, painful mess.  This is ridiculous.  I am actually going to a dermatologist for prescribed treatments for my hands?  Seriously?  This is what I'm doing with my life?  Ridiculous.  This restaurant isn't even worth the pain.  And it's not just the hands.  My back is out of alignment from carrying all these trays.  My legs are exhausted, and all I want to do is sit.  And stretch.  Why the hell am I still a waitress?  Why the hell am I in this hellhole of an establishment, and on Christmas Eve of all nights?..." 

 

 Er, sorry, point is, I've got some really good lotion.

 

I give the lady at 24 a good squirt of the stuff, and she instantly remarked on how great it felt (that's what she said).  Turns out she's got "contact dermatitis" like I do, except her skin is far more sensitive in that she gets allergic reactions to most lotions.  But she didn't with my lotion!  Score!  We've bonded.  We have a great dining experience, and as I return her credit card, I'm crossing fingers for a 20% tip.  These ladies become campers, the restaurant finally gets a pop, and my other tables fill up with guests to occupy me.  After about an hour, I check on them and see if they're still okay.  I guess this prompts them to move along, because they start to head out and hand me the credit card receipt: a $22 tip on a $38 check.  I was stunned and grateful, so I repeated a sincere "thank you" after I looked at it.  I mean, our restaurant almost exclusively attracts cheapskates, ghetto picky "I need, I need, I need"  ladies, all their broke friends, and the entire family who raised them with no manners.  20% tips are the opposite of how all these people like their steaks--RARE--let alone a 57% tip!





[ photo credit ]



And thus began a most fantastic night!  I'm my normal peppy self, and I'm on my A-game.  My guests are nice, AND are nice tippers: I receive lots of 20%(+), tips including a few more $20 tips; in fact, I think only one table tipped under 20%.



 

 

 

 

I was keenly aware, though, of how bad things were going for Ethan, my section buddy.  It seems as if all the tables who intended to tip their server or simply treat their server well walked right past his tables and sat down next to them in my section.  It hurt to hear that, after a night full of table troubles, a strong server left with only $48, when I had fantastic experiences with each guest and made nearly triple that. 

 

My last table of the evening was a family of 6, with kids ranging 5 to 15.  This family was easily the most entertaining family I have ever served--from the overly talkative youngest daughter with no filter, to the easily amused oldest daughter who appeared delightfully enrapt in laughter with every joke I made, to the goofball parents who patiently smiled as their little ones excitedly showed me the phone app that follows Santa around the globe. The 5-year-old shared with me that she has been undergoing treatments.  She didn't share what kind of treatments, or what they are for, though she later expressed that the inside of her elbow hurt, rolling up her sleeve to reveal a Band-Aid as if she'd had blood taken or an IV placed.  My heart ached for this little girl and her family.  Throughout their meal, I bore witness to a fantastic example of love; it is rare to encounter such a strongly bonded family, and it was quite the touching experience for me.  Heck, it's rare to encounter a family with well-mannered, polite, respectful children.  This family truly brightened my Christmas Eve.   They were so much fun that I almost didn't care how much money they left me.  At the close, the dad addressed me quietly and sincerely, saying, "You were fantastic.  Thank you."  And he handed me a 20% tip.  

 

Nights like this one rekindle my passion for serving others.  It's not just about the tips for me; it's about ensuring that my customers are truly my guests, that I can enrich their dining experience to the best of my ability.  I have facilitated birthday celebrations and wedding receptions; hurried lunch breaks and lengthy business lunches; the reunion of estranged best friends twenty years overdue, and the showering of a man's love and appreciation for his wife on Mother's Day.  Waiting tables can be a marvelously beautiful experience from time to time, and that experience can numb the pain in your hands, your lower back, your calves, and make it all worthwhile.

 

Sure, I didn't get out of there for another two hours after close, but I was certainly satisfied--and pleasantly surprised--with my evening.  A very merry Christmas Eve, indeed!

 

 

[ degreed waitress ]

This thing called a diploma (or, in defense of being a waitress)

Given that this blog is called "Confessions of a Degreed Waitress," I feel I should discuss how possessing a degree has affected my serving job (and, how being a server has affected the way I view my degree).  This particular post is one I wrote several months ago, but I've been sitting on it for a while rather than posting it, as my thoughts about the scenario I will here discuss have fluctuated greatly over this period.  But there's no sense in holding back these thoughts any longer, I guess.

In the midst of my year(+) of serving, I graduated from college.  At least once a week, someone I'm serving will pop the question (no, not that question), "So, are you in school?"  I guess because I give off that "in school" vibe.  Just kidding.  I'm just of that "in school" age (23 years old).  When I explain that I just graduated college in December 2011, I get something along the lines of one of these two responses:

Supportive and suggestive

Guest: "Oh, congratulations!  What's your degree in?"

Me: "I have a BBA in International Business."

Guest: "Nice!  What do you want to do with that?"

Me: [insert whatever career or educational path I've been thinking about that month here]

Guest: "Oh wow, good luck with that!"

Then they usually proceed to throw in their two cents with suggestions that usually aren't helpful at all.  Buuuuuuut……thanks for trying………

"Wait, you've already graduated?"
"Yeah.."
"Then what are you still doing here?!?"

[I can't even count the number of times I've had this conversation.]

OR

Condescending….at first...

Guest: "So what are you doing waiting tables?!?" [in this "Are you crazy!?!  You're an idiot for being here waiting tables if you actually have a degree" kind of tone, as if the university automatically hands you a "real" job along with the diploma but I just chose to be stupid]

Me: "I'm still trying to figure out what I actually want to do with my degree."

And then the guest either says,

"Oh, well that makes sense!  It's a great idea to figure all that out while you're actually working. Especially in this economy!"

Way to dig your way out of that grave, "guest."  And THANK GOD for a bad economy--I can get away with having almost no clue what I want in life for a little while longer.

OR he says,

"Well, get out there and do something!  You'll figure it out along the way!"

While there certainly is merit to this statement--a lot of merit, actually--I still hate this comment.  To be honest, this comment somewhat offends me.  I think it's just the tone of voice, really.  Throughout the entire conversation, it's always there, carrying this implication that waiting tables is a complete waste of my time.  That there is nothing to be gained here whatsoever.  That it is a skill-less job, beneath my credentials as an educated woman.  That it will have nothing to do with my future education or career choices in life.  That I'm making a stupid mistake by being in a restaurant rather than in the "business world" with a "real job."

I swear, if one more church friend tells me she'll pray for me to find my "real job" soon,
I will show her the "real muscles" I've built from carrying super heavy food trays over my head for over a year.
[photo credit]

On the contrary, I have probably learned more about the practices of dealing with people, of being a good salesman, and of providing stellar customer service while I have worked in the service industry (hence the name) than I have in the classroom.  And I've learned a lot of other things, too...

...my strengths and weaknesses as both one who serves and one who leads.

...how to effectively delegate tasks and hold my peers accountable for their successful completion (concepts I was previously rather weak in).

...a heightened sense of humility and understanding as I interact with coworkers who are just barely getting by in life (whereas I have been blessed with a more fortunate upbringing and financial situation).

...how to rectify problems with customers as efficiently, pleasantly, and thoroughly as possible.

...how to better accomplish multiple tasks, for multiple tables simultaneously.

...awesome new skill sets.  I mean, I'm a bartender, too.  I'm now the most popular person at a party. 

With the exception of the last one, of course, being a waitress--and a pretty darn good one, I might add--has made me better suited for my future career than I had been at the time of my graduation.

There's so much more to say, honestly, but I'll save some for another post, another day.  Though, I will say this: Waiting tables has been one helluva journey, and it really has changed my life.  

[ degreed waitress ]

facepalming at table 13

On a recent Monday afternoon, in that slow crawl between 2:00 and 4:00pm, I approach Table 13 to deliver my opening spiel. On my left sits a woman, and across from her, her husband. As the woman looks over the bar drink menu, she begins to ask me questions about the different margaritas we have.

Here are her options:

1) the house margarita (on the rocks or frozen),
2) the grande margarita (a larger glass with higher class liquors, still on the rocks or frozen),
3) some sort of flavored version of the first two options,
or 4) a handcrafted specialty margarita (only available on the rocks).

Standard assortment, I might say.

Somehow, this woman does not seem to understand that ALL margaritas have tequila in them.

Lady: *points at a picture* "Can I get tequila in this margarita?"
Me: "Yes, ma'am, all of our margaritas have tequila."
Lady: *points at a different picture* "Well, what about this one? Can I get tequila in this one too?"
Me: "Yes, ma'am, all of our margaritas have tequila."

About five minutes of Alcohol 101 later, she finally decides on the house frozen strawberry margarita. Then she asks for a half-glass of water. Half. Why? I have no flippin' clue. But she also wants a bowl of lemons. (Yay! I love giving guests free lemonade! Not.)

The conversation was tough to struggle through, because on top of her alcohol ignorance, she was having difficulty speaking. Not in a lisp or speech impediment sort of way, but in a FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY IN THIS WORLD, CAN YOU PLEASE USE A COMPLETE SENTENCE!?! OR BETTER YET, COULD YOU MAYBE EVEN JUST TAKE A HALF-SECOND TO THINK BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH!?! sort of way.

She was so incoherent that, at first, I seriously thought she was already plastered. I dreaded the idea of calling over the manager so that we could refuse to serve her more alcohol. Then, I observed that her husband's body language was entirely too relaxed for this to be the case. If she was actually drunk and babbling like an idiot in public, he would probably be entertained (I know I would be!) or have some sort of reaction. But no, he was casually reading over the entree menu and texting. And thus I realized something worse -- this level of stupid was not, in fact, drunkenness. It was her normal behavior.

Usually, taking the drink and appetizer orders for a table of two will take about one minute. Tops. This took at least five. Which means my guests at Table 24, whose half-empty glasses I had planned on refreshing when I brought 13's drinks, for the sake of efficiency, are now sitting completely empty. And my guests at 14 are sitting with filled to-go boxes, waiting with waning patience for their checks. Luckily, both tables actually observed me standing at Table 13 the whole time--and not just putzing around--and I had established a good enough report with them that they were still in overall good spirits and left decent tips.

I finally get back into the kitchen. Make the drinks for 13 and 24.. Order the margarita and the appetizer.. Print the check for 14.. Deliver said items. And now we get to the food order.

*deep breath*

Lady: "Okay, hmm. I seem to remember.. Hmm. Okay, I think I want... Don't y'all have, like, a grilled tilapi?"

No, that wasn't a typo. She said "tilapi." As in "tuh-la-pee." Not "tuh-la-pee-uh," like it's supposed to be. Perhaps she doesn't actually know, just like with the margaritas. I have no place to judge her pronunciation or level of intelligence.....but still, it took all that I had to stifle my laughter.

"Yes, ma'am," I said, "We have this Grilled Tilapia with Mango Salsa," and pointed to the description on the menu.

The description (if any of my guests was to ever actually read the menu) notes that the blackened tilapia and the mango salsa are served with blackened shrimp, all atop a bed of seasoned rice, along with two side dishes--which are listed about 8 or 9 inches to the right of the tilapia's description, along the facing page.

"Yeah, I want that!" she said. "But I don't want no rice."
"Okay, I can tell the cooks not to put any on there for ya."
"Do I get to have a side dish instead?"
"Well, I can take the rice out, but I can't substitute another side dish for it, because the rice is considered just a garnish. Regardless, your entree still comes with two side dishes."

What ensued was an additional five minutes of re-explaining and re-explaining that she only gets two side dishes with her meal, regardless of the presence of rice on her plate, and that a third dish would cost extra. Finally the husband even pipes in, in the hopes of making her understand and expediting the situation. Finally she gets it, and decides she wants carrots and a baked potato.

I order the entrees and bring out the appetizer. The lady loves her margarita and asks for a cup of ice for her half-glass of water. The drinks remain pretty full, so I pretty much ignored that table as much as possible until their entrees were ready.  I do my "two minute two bite" check back after the delivery, and all is well. Then a few minutes after that, she calls out to me and waves me down...while I am taking the order of the new guests at Table 14.

[By the way, this is a guaranteed way to make your server hate you]

I complete taking 14's order and walk the three feet over to her table to see what is all of a sudden the matter. With her fork, the lady is moving around the mango salsa with a look of discontent on her face. 

"What--what is this?"
"That's the mango salsa, ma'am," I replied.
"Well, what's this yellow stuff?"
"That's mango, ma'am."
"Uh, what's that?"
"It's a fruit?" I stated, incredulously.

Who hasn't heard of a mango?

"Do you not like it?"
"Hmm.. Not really."
"Can I get you something else that you would prefer instead?"
"No, I'll just scrape it off."

Interestingly enough, the woman became increasingly coherent the more she drank, which was a blessing. And they left just over 20% on their tip, which was beautiful :D


[ degreed waitress ]

Dear customer, you're a genius.

Customer: "Uhh what's that one salad called? It's got, like, pecans on it and, like, grilled chicken..."
Server: "The Grilled Chicken Pecan Salad?"
Customer: "Yeah, that's it! I want that one!"

[ degreed waitress ]

Bon Qui Qui at table 114

Here's a story from one of my fellow servers; let's call her Meredith.  She's serving a table of two women one night this past week, and apparently these saucy women were more interested in getting sauced than in actually eating.  Which is fine.  Some people want a drink to relax before they even start in on the meal.  No biggie.  Meredith has them each started on a flavored house margarita, but they don't order any food... 

…for nearly an hour.  Despite a handful of visits to the table.  When Meredith finally gets an order, it's for another round of drinks.  Lady #1 says she doesn't know what she wants for dinner just yet, so she'll just take her drink for now.  Totally understandable.  Frustrating for the server who's focused on turnover and tips, definitely, but not actually a problem.  Until lady #2 says that she does know what she wants to eat.

So now Meredith has only one food order, although there are two people seated, who both intend to eat.  Normally this can be solved by patiently giving the indecisive one a few more minutes so that you can place the orders together and then they'll come out together.  Exciting.  I mean, who wants to go out to dinner with friends, and have them start eating five, ten minutes before you do just because they make quicker decisions than you do?  No one.

Except for Bon Qui Qui here. 

Meredith:  "Okay, ma'am, I'll give you a few more minutes to dec--"

Bon Qui Qui, completely interrupting: "Look, I'ma get my drink on first, okay?  Thank you, have a good day, buh-bye."

The Queen of Sass accessorized her "buh-bye" with that hand-swiping, head-bobbing thing.  You know what I'm talking about.... (which is why I'm calling her Bon Qui Qui).

Uhhh..... Oh no you di'int!!

Meredith was obviously offended given the complete lack of need for such an attitude.  She was all like uhhh.... but she regained her composure and definitively says this...

"Okay well the bar's been a little backed up lately, so it may be several minutes on those drinks."

And walks off.

Guess what.  The bar wasn't backed up.  It only would take two or three minutes tops to get the drinks made, given how slow the restaurant was at the time.  But Meredith intended to hold back the drink order for a while.  It was the only form of revenge she had for being so rudely snapped at.

And she decided to order Lady #2's food without waiting for Lady #1's order.

Some people, like this Lady #1, will shoo their servers away, snap their fingers to get us to come over, shout "hey!"at us while we're at another table, shake their glasses at us for refills.  Basically, they treat us more like dogs than people (except for that one about the refills, of course… unless you have a really well trained dog, in which case,  that's awesome.)  Who else gets treated like this?  Not friends, not cashiers, not bank tellers, not even random strangers.  Yet this behavior is a daily experience for me and my fellow servers.  These guests need to learn to treat their servers well, especially since we have a great deal of control over the success of their dining experience.  And many servers, like Meredith here, are sure willing to step up and provide that lesson.  I'm not necessarily a fan of all of Meredith's actions here, but I can certainly sympathize, having dealt with a few Sass Queens myself.  Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

[ degreed waitress ]