Dear customer, you're a genius.

Customer: "Uhh what's that one salad called? It's got, like, pecans on it and, like, grilled chicken..."
Server: "The Grilled Chicken Pecan Salad?"
Customer: "Yeah, that's it! I want that one!"

[ degreed waitress ]

Bon Qui Qui at table 114

Here's a story from one of my fellow servers; let's call her Meredith.  She's serving a table of two women one night this past week, and apparently these saucy women were more interested in getting sauced than in actually eating.  Which is fine.  Some people want a drink to relax before they even start in on the meal.  No biggie.  Meredith has them each started on a flavored house margarita, but they don't order any food... 

…for nearly an hour.  Despite a handful of visits to the table.  When Meredith finally gets an order, it's for another round of drinks.  Lady #1 says she doesn't know what she wants for dinner just yet, so she'll just take her drink for now.  Totally understandable.  Frustrating for the server who's focused on turnover and tips, definitely, but not actually a problem.  Until lady #2 says that she does know what she wants to eat.

So now Meredith has only one food order, although there are two people seated, who both intend to eat.  Normally this can be solved by patiently giving the indecisive one a few more minutes so that you can place the orders together and then they'll come out together.  Exciting.  I mean, who wants to go out to dinner with friends, and have them start eating five, ten minutes before you do just because they make quicker decisions than you do?  No one.

Except for Bon Qui Qui here. 

Meredith:  "Okay, ma'am, I'll give you a few more minutes to dec--"

Bon Qui Qui, completely interrupting: "Look, I'ma get my drink on first, okay?  Thank you, have a good day, buh-bye."

The Queen of Sass accessorized her "buh-bye" with that hand-swiping, head-bobbing thing.  You know what I'm talking about.... (which is why I'm calling her Bon Qui Qui).

Uhhh..... Oh no you di'int!!

Meredith was obviously offended given the complete lack of need for such an attitude.  She was all like uhhh.... but she regained her composure and definitively says this...

"Okay well the bar's been a little backed up lately, so it may be several minutes on those drinks."

And walks off.

Guess what.  The bar wasn't backed up.  It only would take two or three minutes tops to get the drinks made, given how slow the restaurant was at the time.  But Meredith intended to hold back the drink order for a while.  It was the only form of revenge she had for being so rudely snapped at.

And she decided to order Lady #2's food without waiting for Lady #1's order.

Some people, like this Lady #1, will shoo their servers away, snap their fingers to get us to come over, shout "hey!"at us while we're at another table, shake their glasses at us for refills.  Basically, they treat us more like dogs than people (except for that one about the refills, of course… unless you have a really well trained dog, in which case,  that's awesome.)  Who else gets treated like this?  Not friends, not cashiers, not bank tellers, not even random strangers.  Yet this behavior is a daily experience for me and my fellow servers.  These guests need to learn to treat their servers well, especially since we have a great deal of control over the success of their dining experience.  And many servers, like Meredith here, are sure willing to step up and provide that lesson.  I'm not necessarily a fan of all of Meredith's actions here, but I can certainly sympathize, having dealt with a few Sass Queens myself.  Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

[ degreed waitress ]