I *thought* that this would be common sense. I forgot that common sense just isn't common. smh.
To-Go Tips Galore! Tip #4: Know who you're ordering for. Before you place an order.
It's dinner rush on Friday night.
You have just called my restaurant, and the new sixteen-year-old hostess at the front who can't be bothered with walking guests to their tables because she might ruin her makeup, so she just stands there answering the phone has just transferred your to-go phone call to me at the to-go area [ aka the bar ].
I'm in the middle of helping at least one or two or seven other guests at this time, so after about a minute or two of listening to the annoying as hell riiiiiiiiiiiing BEEP BEEP signifying that the Queen of England [ or whoever you think you are ] is waiting to talk to me, I will finally answer the phone with the cheerful, albeit slightly rushed greeting, "[ my restaurant ] To-Go, please hold," press the hold button, and put down the phone so fast that I have no idea if you've even heard me or not. [ okay, okay... sometimes I stay on the line long enough to utter a pleasant thank you. ]
My next task is to navigate to a stopping point in the pickup and placement of orders by the people standing right in front of me [ not to mention serving food and drinks to the bar guests, making drinks the servers have ordered for the rest of the restaurant, answering the OTHER to-go phone line, and being my own bar-back, etc. ] and get back to your call. Usually I can get to the phone within 2 - 3 minutes. Sometimes though, it's five minutes... and no, I'm not proud of that, but there ya go.
Now I finally give you my time. I pick up your phone line and greet with you an actually genuine "Thank you so much for holding. My name is [ degreed waitress ]. How may I help you?"
It is now your time to speak.
I give you all my [ largely ] undivided attention, and you give me all the food orders you could possibly imagine. All the menu-related questions you hold. All the special modifications you need. All the extra dressings your little heart desires. All the separate check specifications. Bring it. I'm ready. Anything else to clog your arteries, Your Highness? My time is yours.
It is NOT, however, the time for you to start figuring out who will be eating.
Don't waste my time making me listen to you ask your cousin, your auntie, your nana, your friend, your baby daddy, or [ God forbid ] your four-year-old world's-least-intelligent kid if they want anything to eat from our restaurant tonight. You had plenty of time to assemble everyone's orders while you were on hold. And even more time before you picked up that phone.
So, please, make everyone's life a little easier and take a few minutes to find out who is hungry before you call me.
[ degreed waitress ]
The to-go food ordering process can be a complex relationship at times, but believe me -- all it takes is a little trust.
If I can manage to trust that you -- a complete stranger -- will actually show up to claim your order like you say you will, thus ensuring that the time and effort put forth both by myself and by the entire kitchen staff [ not to mention the restaurant's food, and therefore money ] aren't completely wasted, then you should be able to trust that I actually know the menu of my own restaurant.
Apparently, many customers hold so tightly to their motto, "The customer is always right," that it somehow supersedes all logic, and it miraculously still applies when they are not even inside the restaurant, have not yet even become customers, and are not in possession of any reading materials [ i.e. menus ] -- whether in print or online -- which would spell out how to become a customer.
Since I becoming a to-go order processor [ aka bartender ], I have been surprised on a daily basis at how easily upset and offended the to-go callers can be at the revelation of little tidbits of menu information. They routinely argue with me about anything and everything remotely contrary to their preconceived notions of what our restaurant serves.
This leads me to today's tip...
To-Go Tips Galore! Tip #3: Trust the person taking your order.
**If I tell you the entrée comes with one side dish, not two, then the entrée comes with one side dish, not two.
[ Choose just one or pay for the second. It's that easy, really. ]
**If I tell you that we don't serve mac 'n' cheese, then we don't serve mac 'n' cheese.
[ You're going to pass Boston Market on the way here, so why don't you just stop there instead, yeah? ]
**If I tell you that we can't take the onions out of the chicken tortilla soup, then we can't take the onions out of the chicken tortilla soup.
[ Besides, do you really want us fishing around inside your bowl of soup, picking out the bits of chopped onion one-by-one, all by hand? I don't think so. Oh wait, you didn't actually think that our made-from-scratch soup is made one bowl at a time, did you? That's just cute. ]
**If I tell you that we stopped serving half-orders of onion rings over a year ago, then we stopped selling half-orders over a year ago.
[ And by "stopped serving" them, I don't just mean, "The managers said 'no,' but don't worry, random customer, I'm totally going to break the rules just for you." I mean, I don't have even the ability to order them anymore. The button itself is no longer existent. Therefore, NO you did NOT get a half-order here "just last week." Unless you went to a different branch. And that branch would have to be a franchise, not corporate, because that change was corporate-wide. And the nearest franchise-owned restaurant in our chain is a couple hundred miles away. So if you were there last week, then yeah, you probably did get the half-order of onion rings when you ordered them. But if you were here, like you're so adamantly insisting, then no, you did not get them last week, and no, you will not get them this week. So please stop arguing with me. ]
**If I -- and the menu -- tell you that all things labeled "chicken tenders" are fried chicken tenders and all things labeled "grilled chicken breasts" are grilled chicken breasts, then guess what? That's how it is. "Chicken Tenders" are not grilled, and "chicken breasts" are not fried.
[ I know, I know, it's all so confusing. It's like the restaurant should just make a detailed list of what's in every single entrée and make it easily accessible by putting that list on every single table and in front of every single guest..... ]
Essentially what it comes down to is this...
I had to prove thorough knowledge of our menu in order to complete training and even be allowed to work here.
I have worked here, serving food from this menu, nearly every day for the past two years.
I have eaten here, eating food from this menu, nearly every day for the past two years.
I have trained dozens of new hires to become excellent servers, and that includes teaching them the details of this menu.
Let's just say I know the menu.
Therefore,
**If I make a menu-related comment, then please assume it to be fact. Do not argue, as you will only make yourself look stupid.
Unless, of course, that was your original intent. Then, by all means, go right ahead.
Either way, thank you for unintentionally gifting me the subsequent momentary feeling of intellectual superiority. That's the chicken [ tortilla ] soup for my soul.
[ degreed waitress ]
[ catching up with an old friend's dad after church this morning ]
"So where do you work?"
" [ my restaurant ]. I'm a bartender."
"A bartender? Four years of college, and you're a bartender?"
Gee, thanks. Can I slap you in the face now?
[ degreed waitress ]
